Questions from the dock
Poontoon FAQ and Captain's Rules
Everything you were afraid to ask at the boat launch, plus seven rules the Captain will enforce with a stern look and a cold pop.
Asked and (mostly) answered
Frequently asked questions
Tap a question. The answers are honest, which is more than we can say for the muskie stories.
Is a Poontoon legal in Wisconsin?
The Poontoon does not exist, so no one has had to decide. Any real boat on Wisconsin water has real rules: registration, a life jacket for everyone aboard, and a boating safety course for many operators. Check the Wisconsin DNR before you float anything bigger than a pool noodle.
How much does a Poontoon cost?
Nothing, because it is imaginary. The merch prices end in .69 and are also imaginary. Browse the Poontoon merch anyway.
Can you fish from a Poontoon?
In theory. In practice the fountain scares the walleye and the muskie story grows with every retelling. Real anglers still need a Wisconsin fishing license. Read the muskie legends for the full tall tale.
Can I rent a Poontoon for a party?
The Poontoon is not a real rental, but the Captain accepts fictional bookings. Send a party booking request and Gary will pretend to check the calendar.
How many people can a Poontoon hold?
Seating for 20, and up to 50 total floating, standing, and pretending they are not tired. See every Poontoon feature, including the cooler placement.
Is the Poontoon real?
Nope. It is a parody, wink wink. No booking, no shipping, no boat. Just vibes and a few good jokes. Take the How Wisconsin Are You quiz instead.
Can I bring my dog?
Absolutely, as long as the dog wears a life jacket and does not eat the curds. The dog will try. The field guide covers the local wildlife it will chase.
What happens in a storm?
We go to shore. Immediately. Wisconsin storms are real, so the Captain does not joke about lightning. Once you are dry, play Wisconsin Lake Bingo.
Posted on the mast
The Captain's Rules
Seven rules. Break none of them. Or break one, quietly.
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Ope is a legal response to any collision.
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Do not touch the fountain. The fountain touches you.
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Gary steers. Gary does not know where we are going.
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No skipping the fish fry. Not even on a Wednesday.
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Not a joke
Wear a life jacket. Every person, every time. The Captain does not negotiate, and the lake does not care how strong a swimmer you are.
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If the muskie is bigger than the boat, it is a rumor.
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Not a joke
Sober captain, sober crew for the wheel. Boating safety is not a bit.
The fine print
The Poontoon is a parody, no actual Poontoon exists (yet), and life jackets are not a joke.
Still curious?
Ready to float big?
The lake is waiting. The Captain is (imaginarily) on call.